You're Only a Six Year-Old Adult

Looking back, most of us turned 18, graduated, shipped off to college, and are now sitting around waiting for someone to tell us what we’re supposed to do next. Our whole life they make it seem like growing up is simply a series of planned out steps that will land you on success’ doorstep.

I can already feel your eye rolls, frustration filled stares, and sarcastic laughs as if to say “yeah right”. There’s a reason they call it the quarter life crisis; we spend 6–7 years doing what society says will make us successful just to be left in a pile of debt and confusion. I’m pretty sure that qualifies as a crisis.

Let me tell you, feeling stuck at 24 has not been the way to live. So it was time to change my mindset. Yes, you’re an adult. But that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a certified pro. For all the people pleasers out there, here is your permission to let go of the idea that you are supposed to know what your life is going to look like at the “all-knowing-age” of 20.

At the age of 23, I was drowning in my job, thinking that I wasn’t trying hard enough. The voice in my head who was desperate to please everyone else was on full volume, screaming I'm not good enough. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find a way to turn the volume down. Not being perfect, not blowing people away, focusing on harsh criticism all led me to believe my worst nightmare: I had failed. 

Now at this point I’m going to assume you are much like me considering you’re still reading. So if you are, you may be someone who quickly begins to panic at the thought of failure. You start the downward spiral of overworking yourself followed by the ever inevitable self deprecation. However, when we take a step back there is one important thing you have to remember: you are still learning!

Hitting rock bottom, I didn’t know how I was going to get back up, move forward, show my face in the adult world again. I let months go by searching in the wrong areas for answers I wasn’t even sure existed. I let myself keep pouring into the sea of burnout and self doubt that I was already drowning in. So how did I do it? How do we get back up when we hit rock bottom?

It starts with the gentle reminder that you are still a learning, growing, adult.

We lead ourselves to believe there is this expectation that you must immediately find success once entering the adult world. Success comes through trial and error with each failure being one step closer to success. So can we really even call it a failure? We can’t beat ourselves up over the trials we go through. They are simply out of our control. Instead, we must hold ourselves accountable for what we can control: how we react, how we change, and how we move forward.

We have to stop seeking the approval of others. Pardon me for going a little ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on you, but, choose YOU, pick YOU, love YOU. The only way to find success is to put you first. Serving someone else for their aspirations and mission only drowns out your own. Being a baby adult is hard! You are learning how to function as a true independent person. Was being a teenager easy at first? Was learning how to handle high school or college a piece of cake? No! So we shouldn’t expect entering adulthood to be any easier.

So here’s my tips from one baby adult to another:

1. Give yourself some grace.

You are learning, making mistakes is inevitable. Being hard on yourself is only going to hold you back. You’re only a child in adult years.

2. Take criticism as a tool, not as a sign of failure.

We’re growing, learning, and changing. Change is uncomfortable but necessary. Viewing critiques as hate will only lead to hurt and self doubt. However, viewing it as feedback and using it to help you leads to growth. (Yes there are still haters, but we just drown them out).

3. It is 100% okay to not know what life will look like in 12 months.

Plan, reflect, hustle, but expect and accept changes. I know, Miss Type A, that’s hard, but you got this!

4. Therapy works wonders!

Forget the stigma — we all need a place to talk about what we’re experiencing. Who better to talk it out with than a trained, unbiased professional? Find someone who understands you.

5. Give yourself permission…

…to explore …to change …to grow! It’s okay to have changed your mind on decisions you made at 17–18 years old. Explore, learn, study, network! Exploring is the only way to discover the world that’s out there.

The plain truth? Adulthood is not for the faint of heart. But there’s a whole group of twenty-somethings out there who understand exactly how you feel, what you’re experiencing. So give yourself the grace you deserve.

From one twenty-something to another, you got this!